Friday Funny: History of Liberals and Conservatives

I got this in an e-mail today, and I can't stop giggling every time I think about it, so I had to share it...I have no idea where it originated, but if anyone does, please send me the info so I can properly give credit....Enjoy!


History 101 (Crash course)

For those that don't know about history ... Here is a condensed version:

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters -gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1. Liberals

2. Conservatives

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.



Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood, and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history:

It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.

A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to tick them off.

And there you have it. Let your next action reveal your true self


What does it say about me, when I post it on my blog? ;-) Have a Great Weekend!!

~BiasedGirl

I Was Born To Tea Party!! (Why I joined the Movement)

On the eve of the birth of a what I believe could be the start of a new American Revolution, I thought I might share a little with you about why I joined the Tea Party Movement. For me I think I've always been a 'Tea Party Patriot', I just didn't know it. You see long before I ever entered the big bad world of Blogging, I would sit around and annoy my friends with political conversations, which often ended up with me first explaining the topic, as most of my friends pay about as much attention to the "News" as I pay to NBA standings...


My sister and I on the other hand can go on for hours on either Politics or Football, and long ago dicussed that the only way to get any attention to your cause was to "Tie yourself to something", we were inspired by some Toon who had chained themselves to a Strip Club door in Daytona Beach. We of course found out about said Toon, because it was covered on Three cable news stations...

The subject came up again later when the much maligned Car Tax was left in place, by then Full Time Governor Tim Kaine, using the stock campaign line retraction, "Oh what I said about the Repealling the Car Tax? Yea, that's not going to happen." We in the Commonwealth are Taxed To Death, and yet we can't even get a small reprieve on an annual Tax on the "Blue Book Value" of your car. Every year that you own the car, and sometimes in years that you don't, but that is a story for another day..

..as I was saying, Protests came up again, This time we were trying to figure out a way to Toss a Car in the James River without causing the Enviromentalists to Hunt us down and kill us. We were unable to come up with a viable solution, but the thought behind it remained the same. You have to do something different, Newsworthy to get any attention to your cause, and to do so requires some Personal sacrifice and motivation, something most of us are just to busy or too afraid to do.

Almost two years ago now, one of my patient friends that is primarily a-political but humors me, suggested that I start a blog. He indicated I clearly had something to say. I just assumed he was trying to end the conversation, until the next day, when he e-mailed me the link to Blogspot.com. I thought, I might as well check it out. That day I wrote my very first Blog, called it "Spectator Nation"

Some Excerpts and some proof that I was born to Tea Party:

This nation was founded on the principle that the congress was to represent the will of the people, not as is happening now that the people were to conform to the wills of the congress...

....Part of the problem clearly lies in the lap of the American people. We used to be a people with willing to question authority, educate ourselves on the issues...

As long as we continue to sit on the sidelines, can we really complain that no one is getting the job done?

You can read the entire blog here.

I wrote this on September 18, 2007. (So take that, all you, "Hey where were you during the last eight years?", crowd!)

It was another full year before I ever logged into Blogspot again, but I had taken the first tiny step. That's kind of what tomorrow is about everyone taking a tiny step, but taking it together. The journey of a 1000 miles begins with one step Right? Well we've got 11 Trillion "Miles" to go and counting, so it's time we Get to Steppin'.

Which is what I did next. I started blogging fairly regularing and participated in the On-line Tea Party. Something stirred in me, and I knew it was time to step out from behind the computer, into real life action. When the idea was suggested that Tax Day was a perfect date for a Tea party, I couldn't wait to get involved. A Tax Payers Revolt over Wasteful Goverment Spending, Where do I sign Up?! (I know some of you might think that last line is a joke, I assure you it is not.) After just a few e-mails I had joined up with a handful of like-minded individuals and we started planning the Richmond Tea Party.

At first there were four of us, then five, then six and it just kept growing. We held our 'meetings' via e-mail, assigning tasks and responsiblities. We did eventually meet face to face a few weeks ago, and it was great to see and in some cases hear these folks for the first time. This was the most "political" thing any of us had ever done, so I don't think any of us knew exactly what to expect.

As the saying goes go, Where there is a Will, There is a Way, and the one thing our little rag tag group was not lacking it was Will. After working with these individuals and talking with many others from across the country, my heart swells with Pride that all is Not lost: There are still Americans who understand the responsiblity, that We The People have to each other and to future generations.

I hope that the events being held throughout the country tomorrow, will be seen as a kick off, not a culminating event. My greatest wish is that all who attend Tea Parties, will leave as inspired as I have become. It is my prayer for our Nation, that those attending will head home with a plan to get more involved in their Goverment on the local, state and national level. The Tea Party Movement is a reminder that we are still a Government of The People, by The People, and We The People are Tired of being a "Spectator Nation", We The People are getting into the Game. Tomorrow we take that first tiny step, and We Take it Together.

And I'll leave you with a quote from a Facebook friend, "Make a Plan, Not Excuses", go the Tea Party near you, and Let Your Voice Be Heard.

Find a Tea Party in Your Area at TaxDayTeaparty.com

If you are in My area...See you there!

The Richmond Tax Day Tea Party

April 15th at 6pm at Kanawha Plaza in the shadow of the Federal Reserve Building

Another One of Obama's Lunatic Ideas

You know it's bad when I start using a Taliban spokesman as a point of reference. Let me explain, I've been rolling ideas around in my head for a couple of days, it has been awhile since my last entry, (Thanks to everyone for their condolences and prayers over the past few weeks) and I wanted to get back at the keyboard again but I was struggling for inspiration. Then like a bolt of Lightening it came through my e-mail...

The headline on Yahoo News: U.S. reconciliation offer "lunatic": Taliban spokesman


From Reuters via Yahoo News!

"This matter was also raised in the past," said Taliban spokesman Zabihullah Mujahid, referring to comments last month by Obama, who spoke of reaching out to moderate Taliban.

"They have to go and find the moderate Taliban, their leader and speak to them. This is a lunatic idea," Mujahid said by telephone from an unknown location.

Mujahid is one of two spokesman authorized to speak for the Taliban leadership council, headed by Mullah Mohammad Omar.

Look it is a rare occasion that I will find myself agreeing with the leaders of the Taliban, but if President Obama wants his administration to "find the Moderate Taliban", then I'm with the guy who wants to kill us on this one. The Moderate Taliban? The Taliban by definition is an extremist sect of the Muslim faith, so I'm guessing there aren't a lot of fence sitters at the meetings.

But why I am surprised at the Obama administrations response to the growing Taliban in Afghanistan? I shouldn't be, this is just another of Obama's "lunatic ideas"...The man has only been in office for a little over two months and he's already signed the Largest spending bills in the history of our Country.

Now that Obama has bought the Auto Industry, with Our Money, he's decided who should run it as well, so he basically fired GM CEO Rick Wagoner last week.

Politico reported:

The Obama administration asked Rick Wagoner, the chairman and CEO of General Motors, to step down and he agreed, a White House official said.

I'm not certain, I'm sure someone knows the answer... if you do help me out... Has the President of the United States ever fired an employee of Private Company before? Sounds like another Historical Moment in the Barack H. Obama Presidency...

After hearing about Obama's successful power grab, Barney Frank (D-MA) made a grab of his own and passed a bill through his committee that would allow the government to set the salaries of all employees of companies receiving federal funds. And when I say Government, I mean Turbo-Tax Tim Geithner. I bet those secretaries and single moms who work at AIG were Really overpaid, so I'm sure they'll still be "Well to Do".

It's not surprising then that the Tea Party Movement has gained so much momentum in the last month, as Americans watch the News only to find out that those in Power in Washington are spending our money faster than we can earn it on. Now They want to tell You How Much money you will be Allowed to Make as well. Only a Lunatic would support a plan like that.

Hot Reads: 5 Links You Might Have Missed

TODAY'S HOT READS:

It's the campaign that never ends...Obama to attack GOP, again.

Team Obama has a new strategy, since by their own admission, the distraction created by attacking Rush Limbaugh didn't work as well as they had hoped, they are now Launching a new Advertising campaign to pigeon hole Republicans as the "Party of No" while selling Obama's Bloated Budget to the American People. Even though the Democratic controlled Congress and the Democratic President were able to easily pass into Law the "Generational Theft Act of 2009" Twice, even with Republican resistence. Team Obama and the DNC have formed a Committee including my Part Time Governor Tim Kaine, and will be airing Commercials mocking Republicans' for their efforts to protect Tax Payers.... Someone tell Obama the next election isn't for 3 years or so, and until then He will Actually have to Perform the Duties of President....

It's a Bird, It's a Plane..It's Michelle Obama!
Coming in April... a Michelle Obama comic book, capturing her rise to the White House, as part of their "Female Force" series honoring American Women. Previous honorees include Hillary Clinton and Sarah Palin, both of which resulted in Sold Out issues....Wonder if Michelle the Super Hero will be "Proud of her Country"....

Shocker! Ginsburg Hints At Opening in Supreme Court

Who didn't see this coming? Supreme Court Justice, Ruth Bader Ginsburg said Friday that the Court might be posing for a new picture "soon", something that is only done when a new Justice is appointed. The article hints at a possible replacing as many as three of the current "Liberal" judges under the current administration, so as to keep the "balance" on the Court...


Obama-Car About to Be Repossessed
The Chicago Sun Times is reporting, an Artist in Florida who painted her car to be a rolling representation of her Obama Love is about to be repossessed. The woman admits to not having made payments since late 2008, and when asked about what she thought President Obama's reaction to her current financial situation would be..."He'd say, 'I'm too busy. Let me solve the world's problems,'" she said." Well, I think she's got the first half right...

Malkin on Meghan McCain

Earlier this week, I posted an entry highlighting my frustrations with the Paris Hilton of the RNC, Meghan McCain. Michelle Malkin has a post up this morning, "The Trouble with Meghan McCain" where Malkin takes McCain to task for her recent public support of British VJ, Russell Brand. You might remember him, he's the one who Begged America to Vote for Barack Obama....

Hot Reads: 5 Must See Links

TODAY'S HOT READS:


You remember Joe Biden...

Evidently, they brought Joe Biden out of the media proof room they've been hiding him in, for a few moments, and as ABC News Jake Trapper reports, it didn't take long for him to say something inappropriate. Seems our new Vice President likes the "F-word" as much as our old Vice President. Who could forget the infamous footage of Dick Cheney dropping the F-bomb on the Senate floor? Some how I doubt the OLM will find Biden's gaffe (the 48th since taking office, by Trapper's count) to be as "newsworthy"....


Women of the Congo Speak Out

In this country we are told that the #1 problem facing Women is that Abortion on demand is not available. Reading the stories of the Women who survive in the Congo, make our issues in this country seem as trite as they really are. The article highlights a UN campaign to remove the taboo about speaking about sexual violence and rape in the war torn region, designed to encourage Women to tell their stories of survival, including one Woman that only lived through an attack on her family, because they thought she was Dead.

Katie Couric Wins Award for Palin interview?

No, not from the DNC directly, from another Media group, try to contain your surprise, but Ed Morrisey over at HotAir reported this morning that, "Katie Couric won USC Annenberg Norman Lear Center’s Walter Cronkite Award for her interview with Sarah Palin" (Editor's note: Every think you'd see all those names in the Same sentence?) According to the article Mr. Morrisey links to, "She was given the award for Special Achievement for National Impact on the 2008 Campaign." Oh, Katie Couric had an Impact on the Campaign alright, she Biased half of America against Sarah Palin. The only award the affable Eva Braun deserves for her interview with Governor Palin is for Best Editing....

Obama Rids Gitmo of Enemy Combatants, Whew!

The Pinkelephantpundit, Tabitha Hale wants you to know you can Relax, because there are No more enemy combatants, at least we're not allowed to call them that anymore. The Obama administration announced yesterday, that term would no longer be used to describe the "Detainees" (see how much better that sounds?) at Gitmo. I'm sure we don't want to hurt their self esteem....


Mr. Obama, Leave My Cheeseburger Alone
I have a feeling that my occasional craving for a Big Mac is about to become a Criminal offense. Obama announced in his weekly radio address: "Protecting the safety of our food and drugs is one of the most fundamental responsibilities government has," about creating his Food Safety Panel at the FDA. I know you are stunned, Obama has found a way to enlarge an already bloated government agency, but Dear Leader wants us to eat our Vegetables. I ask this all the time on Twitter, but What Doesn't Obama think is a "fundamental responsiblity of Government"? I think even Liberals should start to question The One, when they are no longer allowed their six dollar Lattes, because they contain too much caffeine...

Hot Reads: 7 Links Shouldn't Miss

TODAY'S HOT READS:

Obama: Okay so maybe I exaggerated a little on that whole Economic Crisis thing..
Just incase you missed the Screaming Drudge headline, Barack Obama said the Greatest Economic Crisis of Our Time isn't as bad as he made it out to be....Okay what he said was the "crisis isn't as bad as WE think." You want to know what I think, Mr. President? I think someone finally told you it's not a good idea for the Leader of the Free World, to go on TV everyday and Panic the public and the markets...I hope you listen to them...


Democrats Gave At the Office
Ann Coulter takes on the Democrats for their Hypocritical approach to "Charitable Giving" which apparently amounts to paying their taxes, but what Ms. Coulter wants to know is..."Are Hope and Change Still Tax Deductible?"

No Heroes In Hollywood?
If you are like me and can't bring yourself to pay a dollar to sit through another Anti-American "military" movie or Action flick then you need to swing by Big Hollywood where one contributor eloquently voices his greivances about the demonization of America in Movieland.

Black Women Being Ignored?
Breitbart is reporting that "Black Women are in No Mood to be ignored by the Mainstream Media" I can't say for sure, but it appears he's reprinted a Press Release from on very irritated group of Black Women. They want you to know, They ARE Mad as Hell, but NOT at Barack Obama. The ladies reference but do not name a OLM source that allegedly said Black women were unhappy with Barack. And that's just not true... They Heart Barack.

Rove to Team Obama: Grow Up
Karl Rove has done a pretty good job thus far of not Gloating over all the Team Obama mistakes, that's apparently all over now. Rove wrote a pointed piece for the Wall Street Journal, outlining all the embarrassing moves the President and his team have made recently....and more importantly Rove tries to explain Why.

Water Making PA Town Sick
Rueters is reporting that a small town outside Philly has registered complaints of varing stomach maladies, with all signs pointing to the recent drilling boom for Natural Gas. I mean everyone can light their tap water on fire can't they? What does Fast Eddie Rendell have to say about all of it "We are very scrupulous about whether it will have an effect on the groundwater," Governor, can you define scrupulous?

Ungrateful Useless UN
One of the Bloggers over at Politics and Critical Thinking, typed through gritted teeth about the UN Secretary General calling the United States "Deadbeats" during an address earlier this week.