Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Domestic Violence Survivors Deserve Respect; Victims Deserve Real Help

Some of you probably watched the Grammy's the other night. Some of you bragged about not watching and some of you caught the clips the next day.  So I will assume that you have some idea of what I'm about to write, rant, whatever. 

For once I was enjoying the decent balance of Music to Talking Ration. More music less talking. I often find the more Celebrities speak the less I like them and unfortunately their work. 

Due to some issues with our new TV muting it becomes a chore that reminds me of the days before remotes, you do it, no you do it... any hoo.... 

There were some good collaborations, some bad collaborations and some truly exciting to watch collaborations.... (Hello, Annie Lennox & Hozier)  The one I had been looking forward to all night was the performance of the cover of  "Four, Five Seconds" with Rihanna, Kanye and so they say... Paul McCartney. It's a song I heard last week and instantly fell in love. But as I'm waiting for this Musical performance...something dreadful happened. 

Obama's Big Giant Head appeared on my TV screen, floating like the depressing Wizard of Oz. This kicked off  the "PSA" portion of the program, introduced by #PresidentNationwide (credit to @exjon) about "Domestic Violence" and the new program ItsOnUs.org . Then...they introduced a gorgeous woman as a Domestic Violence Advocate to drop some beat poetry, Then Katy Perry sings. I can't speak to the quality of said poem or song as my head exploded at some point prior to that. 

Judging by what I saw on social media, people seemed really turned off by both the tone and timing of the President's decision to address "Domestic Violence".  

At this point I will say only this, I Googled the young poet featured on the Grammys, her story is both horrific and inspiring. What it is not is Domestic Violence. She survived a Sex Trafficking Ring. 

She's since written a book to encourage others dealing with Sex Trafficking related issues...that is Fabulous. Still has absolutely nothing to do with Domestic Violence.  As I've state previously, Sexual Assault also a dreadful crime perpetrated against women and men.  Also, Not "Domestic Violence". 

Does Domestic Violence mean so little to everyone in this country that it doesn't even deserve it's own "Activist Groups"? We the Survivors of real Domestic Violence are insulted that you can't delve into the complexity that makes our situation both unique and universal. 

As I mentioned earlier I was anxiously awaiting Rihanna's performance and was pleasantly surprised by Kanye's solo performance, a song clearly inspired by the the 3 most important women in his life, his wife Kim Kardashian West, their daughter Nori and his mother who passed away a few years ago.

The minute the PSA aired starting with the President, I was irritated. I hate when politics get injected into Real Issues. I also hate it when my Entertainment is interrupted by politics or social justice issues. By the time it was over Social Media was aflutter with "Because I Died" memes and people bitching about Chris Brown.

Because as we all know Chris Brown & Rihanna were involved in a very public assault case. Was it "domestic violence"? I don't know. But there doesn't seem to be a pattern of behavior... like you know George Jones was known for, if you know what I mean. 

There are Men who beat their lovers with their hands, others with their words. I'm tired of the Blame game and I'm ready for solutions. These preachy, ill-informed, heavy handed attempts by #ItsOnUs and #NoMore are Not convincing anyone of anything. They are not bringing in more supporters. Nor are they educating people. Worse yet... they are Turning People Off to the message. 

I'm not defending Chris Brown or anyone else who has been caught up in a Domestic Dispute that escalated beyond what either intended.  But I also think we need to separate situations involving violent behavior and the Stand Alone issue of Domestic Violence. 

The but they "meant" well sentiment is lost on me as well. I'd rather see results. 

While everyone spent two days wringing their hands about Chris Brown, Six women were killed by their significant other, national average is 3 women murdered each day.  That is what matters to me. I want that to stop. 

Chris Brown seems to be an easy target for everyone, because they can say "See I'm not like him"... well to be honest most abusers aren't. Which is why he is a terrible "Poster Boy for Domestic Violence". 

I want this issue to be taken seriously. I want to be able to help others avoid a life filled with the kind of pain I have endured.  This is not the way to do it. 

I understand that the natural instinct is to try and assign blame, The Abuser should "Just Stop Doing It" The Victim should "Just Leave" but it's not nearly that simple. Ever. What we need to do is to stop assigning blame and instead start looking for solutions that help both the victims, the abusers and the families devastated by Domestic Violence. 

The goal being to have everyone survive the situation...get out alive and hopefully happier on the other side. 

There is information out there for victims, survivors, abusers and concerned family or friends. Visit National Coalition Against Domestic Violence  for resources. 

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